Saturday, April 7, 2012
Got a chance to talk to my sister today. It has been a long time since we last talked. I could totally understand where she is at right now. She claims she is hopeless, but I know from personal experience that no one is hopeless. I know that hope can be restored, but it takes a spiritual conversion and faith to find it again. It is hard because I know my sister is not a believer. I find it hard to talk to her about the joy and hope and peace that I have found with God's help. While I ran from God, all I ever found was sinking despair. Something was always missing and it wasn't until I came into a personal relationship with Christ that I found what was missing. There are always the fears of rejection when you want to talk to loved ones about God. I find more peace in loving the hurting than in mocking their pain like I used to. I used to feel like a monster. I prided myself on being emotionally cold and hard hearted. I loved that people were afraid of me. Over time the isolation ate me alive inside and all I wanted to do was die. I felt hopeless too and dead inside. Now I find myself an active member in a ministry of tears. Liquid prayers that fall for those who are hurting. I feel her pain like no other because we have always shared a unique bond. It breaks my heart to know she hurts so much. I only wish I could show her what I have seen, but it is something that has to be experienced for oneself, and it is not a fast process but a slow and painful one. Healing from the pain can't happen without facing it head on. In the past few years I have found so much healing from past pain that my burdens are so much lighter. Hope has been restored.